Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
