i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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