I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Vodka?
Forever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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