I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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