There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
