Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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