Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
