You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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