I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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