I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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