absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
