I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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