guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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