God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
