I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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