I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
