Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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