Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
