I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
