TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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