I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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