I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
