i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
