she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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