broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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