I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
