So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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