Don't make out with my wife yet
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
