So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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