Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
