Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
