but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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