i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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