I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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