weddingsv make me drug and hornr
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
