Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
