please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
