I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
