I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
