I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
