Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
