he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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