we have officially lost it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
