If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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