I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
