it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
