i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
