I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
