The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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