If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is the prime rib incident all over again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
