So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
