grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
