It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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