I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
