Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
