Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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