If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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