Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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