Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
