Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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