someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
