If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
