you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
