So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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